Aloha! I’m blogging from a VIP suite on the Pride of America cruise ship, currently docked on the island of Maui. After a night of sailing the Pacific from Honolulu, we made it to our first port of the four island tour. The trip’s only been a few days so far, but I’m already psyched about what’s happened and what’s still ahead.
So let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start. Well… not really, considering it includes 24 hours in airplanes and terminals. My whole family has since concluded with 100% unwavering certainty that sleeping in airports sucks lumberjack balls. We did it last year in Toronto and this time at LAX. Scrunching up on uncomfortable benches and being forced to sleep with contacts still glued to your eyeballs is painfully repulsive. In fact, the following morning when we all woke up and looked around at each other, my mom declared “This is the ugliest we’ve ever been.”
She was right.
Regardless, the four ugly Hennigs hobbled to life and were first in line to board United’s goddamn 4:00am jet.
Well, if this airport experience was the proletariat low-light of my vacation, what followed on the cruise ship was bourgeoisie bliss. We arrived at our 11th floor portside cabin only to open the door into a beautiful suite complete with its own gorgeous patio view of Waikiki and Diamond Head. There were towels folded like African animals, a colourful fruit bowel (which I quickly devoured), and separate letters from James, Agnus, and Wally.
James is our concierge.
Agnus is our maid.
Wally is our butler.
Well, let me tell you, we were overwhelmed. It’s our first time on a legit high-class cruise ship and the sheer vastness of the vessel combined with complicated schedules, tour bookings, and cocktail invites would make anyone’s head spin. We spent the first hour arguing over who to phone for what – does James take care of offshore bookings or does Wally? Will Wally bring extra towels or will Agnus? Does James know where to get the best Mai Tai, or is he just a wine specialist?
Right in the midst of this hurricane of confusion, there was a knock on our door –- and that’s when Wally entered our lives.
From that moment on, I knew everything would be alright.
In short, Wally is a multitasking demigod. I can’t explain how many times in the first two days he’s come to the rescue. He’s booked us our tickets, made all our reservations, and even delivered me fresh cookies this afternoon. If I was gay, there's no question in my mind that I’d marry Wally.
Let it be known, in the beginning we were very hesitant to call on our manservants. There was a point, though, when I knew we’d turned to the dark side. We were five minutes late for dinner and had to book tickets for a helicopter flight through Ka’uai ASAP or the tour would sell out. My mom was half way out the door when my dad hollered “Hold up, we have to book these tickets,” to which my mom responded with a casual hand flourish “Get Wally to do it”.
All four of us fell silent… and smiled.
Needless to say, Wally took care of the rest.
I don’t have a lot more to tell yet. Most of our time’s been spent by the poolside, at Pearl Harbor, and on a whale watching excursion. We have one more day in Maui, then one on Hilo, one on Kona, one on Ka'uai, and then back to Honolulu. I’m most excited for the chopper expedition, where we’ll be flying into remote locations inaccessible by road or water (including the opening waterfall location from Jurassic Park!). So, 'til next time, Mahalo!
P.S. Happy Valentines. Yes I’m single, no I don’t hate the holiday. Why? Because it’s a good reminder of something important, not a bloody obligation (plus I’m a marketer… commercialization’s my lifeblood). Truth be told, I haven’t had a valid Valentine in a while, so, well.. if there’s anyone out there like Wally with a vagina, please let me know.
