To dump even more salt on my celebrity wounds, Ivanka Trump married Jared Kushner yesterday afternoon.
October 25th.
My birthday.
It was a lavish affair, held at Trump National Golf Course. Five hundred celebrity guests, immaculate weather, and a wedding dress designed by Vera Wang topped off the spectacular scene. Registry items ranged from $200 - $500, as well as a reported $1350 sterling bowl.
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, I was eating KFC after opening my own presents. One of them, believe it or not, was Ivanka's new bestselling book "The Trump Card".
Tragic? Painfully so.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Vive la Revolution!
Hear that?
...
It's silence. Too much, in fact, and it's all my fault. Letterman's admitted to shtooping his staff, Oprah's gained twenty four pounds, and Beyonce's been at the centre of a Kanye-versial explosion.
And where was I?
In the shower. Doing laundry. Buying seedless grapes only to find out that they weren't seedless and throwing a tantrum.
Enough.
The water's cold, the laundry's clean, and the grapes are gone. Welcome back, bloggies. I missed you.
...
It's silence. Too much, in fact, and it's all my fault. Letterman's admitted to shtooping his staff, Oprah's gained twenty four pounds, and Beyonce's been at the centre of a Kanye-versial explosion.
And where was I?
In the shower. Doing laundry. Buying seedless grapes only to find out that they weren't seedless and throwing a tantrum.
Enough.
The water's cold, the laundry's clean, and the grapes are gone. Welcome back, bloggies. I missed you.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Bum
I'm amazed by something I saw today -- truly amazed! While on campus running to and from business meetings, group gatherings, and back to back classes, I caught sight of something that shook me to my core.
A bum.
Not a buttocks, but a bum. The homeless kind. [Disclaimer: I'm not saying that bums' bums bum me out, but rather most bums, even attractive bums, are irrelevant to this bumnalysis].
Going on... so I saw this bum, right? I recognized him from his sleeping on buses, his begging for change, and his scant winter clothing. But here's the thing...
HE WASN'T A BUM ANYMORE.
He'd transformed into a genuine Sears-clad, laptop toting, cap wearing college student. Like Serena morphed into Sailor Moon... minus everything sexy and plus everything normal.
Gahhh! My world was flipped upside down! Was it for real? Had he escaped poverty?? If so, great for him! I feel... proud. That's right. Proud. My little tyke who I once had to glare at for peeing in the snow while drinking from some paper bag was now on his own in the real world.
Listen closely, college kids. Learn the lesson here:
This man was -- I hypothesize -- an alcoholic. He had little money, he ate poorly, he slept and peed in strange places, and he eyed up the opposite sex with sometimes frightening glances. And if that description isn't a paraphrase of 95% of college kids in the whole wide world, I dunno what is.
If this man can clean himself up, it's time the rest of us do too. Stop acting like university students. Be more like the bum.
A bum.
Not a buttocks, but a bum. The homeless kind. [Disclaimer: I'm not saying that bums' bums bum me out, but rather most bums, even attractive bums, are irrelevant to this bumnalysis].
Going on... so I saw this bum, right? I recognized him from his sleeping on buses, his begging for change, and his scant winter clothing. But here's the thing...
HE WASN'T A BUM ANYMORE.
He'd transformed into a genuine Sears-clad, laptop toting, cap wearing college student. Like Serena morphed into Sailor Moon... minus everything sexy and plus everything normal.
Gahhh! My world was flipped upside down! Was it for real? Had he escaped poverty?? If so, great for him! I feel... proud. That's right. Proud. My little tyke who I once had to glare at for peeing in the snow while drinking from some paper bag was now on his own in the real world.
Listen closely, college kids. Learn the lesson here:
This man was -- I hypothesize -- an alcoholic. He had little money, he ate poorly, he slept and peed in strange places, and he eyed up the opposite sex with sometimes frightening glances. And if that description isn't a paraphrase of 95% of college kids in the whole wide world, I dunno what is.
If this man can clean himself up, it's time the rest of us do too. Stop acting like university students. Be more like the bum.
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