So since July 4th technically started last night at 12:00a.m., that's where I'll begin. And what was I doing yesterday at midnight? Well, I'd just gotten out of M. Night Shyamalan's newest motion picture disaster: "The Last Airbender". Talk about a movie being boring, poorly shot, and shittily acted. I'd heard bad things (with a Rotten Tomatoes score of 8%, I wasn't exactly expecting 'good'), but it managed to make "The Happening" and "Lady in the Water" look like Oscar winning masterpieces. Now, the friend I went with insisted that the anime series was a bajillion times better, so we ended up grabbing a Subway sandwich, going home, and watching the first episode to ease the eye wounds that Shyamalan gouged in our sockets. And, indeed, the cartoon was a bajillion times better.
By the time the movie marathon was over, it was getting pretty late. But thankfully I could sleep in this morning, right?
Wrong.
Today I had to get up early again and meet my crew on the subway down to Brookyln for the world famous Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island.
I CANNOT explain how huge this eating contest is. We got there about an hour and a half before it started and the stands were already packed. They had midgets and acrobats and that guy from The Evolution of Dance video. There were cheerleaders and ringleaders, T-Shirt guns and TV stations.
Now. I don't know if you've ever watched professional eating contests before, but they're as big and intense as any sport I've ever seen. The rules are simple: whoever can eat the most hot dogs in ten minutes without throwing up wins $20,000 and the coveted "Yellow Mustard Belt".
Not just anyone can walk on stage and take the challenge, either. You have to qualify in different regions to make it this far. And trust me, these contestants were celebrities. They were bigger than celebrities -- they were glorified American Heroes.
Returning to defend his title was Joey Chestnut, world record holder for eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
68.
That's not a typo. Six eight. It averages out to one hot dog every nine seconds for 10 minutes straight. He's held the title for the last three years after taking it from six time Japanese winner, Takeru Kobayashi, whose previous record was 53 1/4. Kobayashi was not allowed to compete this year because of contract disputes with the Major League Eating franchise, but he was in the audience watching the event play out. Every time ESPN's camera cut to him, the crowd would go wild and cheer Kobayashi's name. And after watching the competition, I now know why. See, Joey Chestnut won again by a landslide with 54 hot dogs, ten more than second place. And honestly, it wasn't much of a competition. Had Kobayashi competed, however, things might have been much more intense (apparently, he's the only one "powerful" enough to stand a chance of dethroning Joey Chestnut).
Winner Joey Chestnut with a tray of hot dogs that shows the amount he ate in just ten minutes.
As you can tell, I've become totally fascinated with the hot dog eating world. It's such interesting human behavior. But don't get me wrong, the actual event is atrocious to watch. Do you know how someone eats 68 hot dogs in ten minutes? Well, a popular technique is to cut the dog in half, shove both halves in your mouth at the same time, dip the bun in water until it's mush, and then stuff the mush down your throat as fast as possible. Intrigued? Revolted? Just watch the video and see for yourself: witness the hot dog intensity.
Once Joey Chestnut was crowned winner, the crowd went wild. And so did Kobayashi. I didn't get a chance to see, but apparently Kobayashi leaped on stage and started stuffing hot dogs in his face like a desperate, washed up contender. The police tried to escort him away, but he clung to the rails and refused to go. He was arrested for entering the stage without authorization and resisting arrest. Again, don't believe me? Check it out: Kobayashi arrest.
After Coney Island, I got some R & R the rest of the day. Did some writing, did some visiting. Around 8:00 I braved the crowds and went West to the Hudson River to watch the Macy's fireworks. Apparently Justin Bieber was performing afterwards, but, needless to say, I decided to just come home and get to bed a little early. Besides, I'm wiped from being out in the sun all day, too, so let's just say you know you're really tired when Justin Bieber's bedtime is later than yours.
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