Congratulations to me

Blog birth is painful, folks. You think contractions, dilating, and placenta are nasty? Try going through the pain of finding a web-address that hasn't been taken yet. Seriously. You'll be using lamaze in no time.

But why did I go through with it?

Well, let me ask you a question. What's wrong with the following sentence:

"this weekend was craAAzy lolz andy's partee was sooooo fun and jamie was definitely waay more into taylor than last weekend but i guess its fine even though i know imma miss their cute flirting"

Or how about:

"wow. honestly. i still can't believe my DREAM WEDDING'S on friday!!!!! so much left ahhh!!! mom and dad are flying down from Maine on Wednesday, so i better break out the paper towel (just for you, angie!). Can't wait to see everyone on the isle!"

Think about it.

Is it grammar? Spelling? Incoherence?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

But that's not what I care about. That's not why I started this blog. I started because *those* sentences say nothing. Did they make you smile? Or laugh? Or wonder who the hell Taylor is and why in God's name Angie needs paper towel?

No. Because no one cares. And no one cares about blogs like that either. See, similar to gorgeous models, most modern web sites cover up their dumb airhead content with sexy pics and colorful accessories just to be noticed. But when the one night stand's over and the make-up's all gone... well... kind of seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?

My blog is the ugly girl in high school. She's lonely, awkward, and weird, not to mention too mean for her own good. Let's call her Susan Blip.

No one likes Susan Blip, obviously, though they love laughing at her. Cruel? Yes, but truth be told Susan laughs at herself sometimes too and honestly likes the attention. So she keeps to herself, not afraid to crack jokes, spread gossip, or let out a cackle (even when no one's listening). She'll never be famous, but that's ok with her. She won't even be popular, or well liked. But that's ok too. Because Susan Blip loves doing whatever weird shit she wants to do, and she's sticking to it.

...

Now how about those sentences? I'm not saying they're better than the ones about anal Angie or douchebag Taylor, but what makes them more entertaining?

Grammar? Spelling? Coherence?

Not really. I can promise that 'lolz' will be on this blog in the future, along with poor grammar, bad spelling, and tonnes of stuff that doesn't make ANY sense...

But IF you find yourself even mildly entertained, then I've succeeded.

So bookmark this blog and don't be afraid to check in and chuckle from time to time. Remember: everyone laughs at the ugly girl at least once. Even herself.

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Edit: For more info on Susan Blip, here's the original write-up from my info box. Couldn't bear to part with it.

This site was born January 15th, 2009. Her name is Susan Blip. She was due to be delivered late December, but the blog doctors went on vacation and didn't come back until New Years. And although it's still too early to tell, there's a good chance Susan will grow up ugly, outspoken, unevenly developed and, consequently, shunned by prettier, more popular teen-blogs later on in life. An early birthday may be the only advantage Susan has among future friends... assuming she makes any.