It's 2:51am

Riddle me this: why does the FIRE alarm go off when something's wrong with the WATER valve?

Of course, no one knew it was just the water valve when all hell erupted in my condo hallways twenty minutes ago. So first off, WHY can't there be a quieter, more polite alarm instead? I mean, a fire's pretty serious (hence the shrill screeching), but water is so much more... sophisticated. Instead of blaring beeps through my hallway and flashing lights at this ungodly hour, can't echoes of waterfalls or some other soothing sound gently wake me up instead?

I mean, why doesn't a motherly voice just fade in from the soundspeaker and announce "Excuse me my darling, but there appears to be something wrong with the water valve. We're sure it won't be serious, but just in case, would you mind making your way outside? Thank you and sorry for this rude interruption."

But no.

Instead, I'm torn out of my dreams (in which, for your information, I may or may not have been *this close* to second base with Keira Knightley) by some horrendous siren that sounds like a baby boy wailing at his circumcision.

Needless to say, I'm the first one outside followed by three screwy spinsters and a few other dawdlers (certainly not a condo-full). About ten minutes later, a fire truck shows up.

The fire department, by the way, is across the street. Go figure.

So by now I'm really ticked off. But then, as if some divine sign lit up from the heavens, I spot a cute girl standing all by herself. Maybe this would turn out to be one of those movie things? Perhaps this strange, unexpected event would bring us together somehow. Maybe I'd introduce myself, we'd hit it off, fall in love, discover our differences, overcome obstacles, and ultimately become more in love than ever before -- and all because of this one false fire alarm in the first place :D At the other end of the spectrum, I never see her again -- what's there to lose?

So I go over, about to say hi, when the fire department announces that we can go back inside. The girl looks up, we make eye contact...

And we both bolt for separate doors.

I didn't get a single word out. Mind you, if I ever want to see her again, I could probably just pull the fire alarm. Or break the water valve.