Banana Boats

I have to admit, I'm a little sad right now. And no, it's not because I heard a depressing song or watched a tear-jerking movie. It's not because I'm out of groceries, either. It's not even because my nose is still a snot factory, or I can't find my Disney sheet music, or it's colder outside than a witch's teet.

Nope. I'm sad because I just finished my last final.

Hold on, you're thinking. What did he just type?

Yes. You read right. I'm sad finals are over.

Hear me out. We all know Christmas is a time for giving and resting and being with loved ones by warm firesides yadda yadda yadda. It's about unwinding. It's about presents. Depending on the amount of culinary talent that your family's women possess, it's about eating good food (that's not sexist, it's just true). Sure it might also be about spending lots of money you don't have, pretending you enjoy a gift when you really don't, and/or trying to ignore Uncle Paul for a few hours, but, on the whole, Christmas is pretty much the best thing to happen all year.

So why am I sad that finals are over?

Because finals represent a different holiday season. Let's be honest: a student's schedule from December 1st - 22nd is more lax than Montezuma's revenge. At most, we write five three-hour tests. The rest (minus the hours you say you spent studying) is academic freedom. I'm not about to declare that university life is easy, but, well, let's face it: it is pretty damn easy. Even law students, stressed out over 100% finals, should consider the day when they'll have a person's freedom in their hands instead of a sheet that says "Complete the following questions".

So, like I was saying, I'm officially done finals. No more blaming school for bad eating. No more staying up til 4am watching the latest Seth MacFarlane smut with the volume maxed out. And, worst of all, no more going anywhere after sunset (I'll be in Swift Current where dinner's done by 6 and the hicks are out cold by 9). Sigh. This year was a particularly good finals break, and I'm sad to see it go. I mean, between me and my old roommate across the street, we had 3 finals (I had 3, he had 0). You know what that meant? We frequently -- and I'm not exaggerating -- stayed up until 3:00am playing Donkey Kong Country for Super Nintendo while eating banana boats roasted in the oven. Banana Boats and Donkey Kong. If that isn't what God The Father Almighty's bible describes as "holy rapture", I can't imagine what is.

Anyway. I should shove off. I've got my last Xmas party tonight before going home tomorrow (FYI: I'm ready to rant about Xmas parties, too, but I'll save it for later this week). If you're not as popular as I am and don't have anything to do tonight, I suggest finding an SNES and playing Donkey Kong Country followed by DK Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest. They're pretty much the best games ever.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.